Lukey
2008 - 2023
My dream, for you, was to know unmeasurable amounts of love and comfort for at least as many years as you knew the pain and loneliness of that mill. Had I known you were out there, I would’ve searched the ends of the earth to bring you home sooner and show you that you mattered more than you could ever possibly understand. You deserved so much more than this life provided you – my sweet angel in the stars.
I am forever honored to have helped you discover your freedom once you were rescued. You stole the spotlight everywhere we went, making it possible to share your story, advocate for adoption and help people understand the cruel reality of puppy mills. You were beyond perfect in every way. Your bravery and ability to forgive was inspiring. From exploring the simplest things to learning how to use the stairs or your ramp, and finally understanding that grass is so much better than stones; you were fearless. I still can’t believe how you trained me to give you a honey nut cheerio before going outside and then follow that up with exactly 3 more, once you came back in – you are my very smart little traveling pooper.
We were both blessed that our 6-1/2 years together was filled with limitless love and memories, worthy of so much more than any words could ever explain. Time with you was all that was needed for someone’s heart to help them understand who you really were - the tiniest hero with the heart of a giant. You were my calm in the storm, my true north; always able to somehow magically turn down the noise when my world became chaotic and effortlessly bring peace to an otherwise anxious soul. I hope I offered you the same and that I was as good a mommy as you deserved.
I’ll miss your funny little Rudolph dance, your crazy Einstein hair, koala bear hugs and the way you’d wrap your little paw around my finger like I was holding a tiny hand. I’ll always think of you when I see port wine cheese and I’ll smile when I remember the way you ate peanut butter and pumpkin from a spoon like a mini human. I loved how you’d always cross your paws like a proper gentleman, the little hop you’d do when I’d go to pick you up and how the tip of your rear left paw matched your old man beard and the stripe down your chest. Your favorite spot in the world, next to being in my arms, was on my bed and it hurts knowing I won’t see you there again or watch you sleeping with your face buried in your blankie - I still don’t know how you could breathe like that. You’ll never again wake me up an hour early, just so we can cuddle till I have to get ready for work and I’ll continue to long for the sound of your heartbeat, when you’d lie on the pillow next to my head or the times when you couldn’t seem to get close enough to me, so you’d snuggle into my neck and exhale. I wish there could be more puppuccinos, birthday cakes, opening presents and the feel of your tiny tushie fitting perfectly in the palm of my hand while we watch the colorful fishies you loved so much at Petco. It’s been upsetting to not see you soaking up the sun in your bucket bed, on the seat next to me while I drive, and the silence each night is deafening; no longer hearing the sounds you’d make while licking your lips as we’d fall asleep. I’ll always remember the way your tongue came out on the left side of your mouth because you lost all your teeth and it breaks my heart that we’ll never again share kisses back and forth – you were always so patient while I showered you endlessly in smooches, multiple times a day. What I wouldn’t give to hear your little tippy taps on the wood floor, your squeaky toy barks, continue to hand feed you piece by piece and see your tiny nose prints on the fridge, sliding glass door and car console every day for the rest of my life.
From literally doing everything with one hand so I could hold you with the other, to taking you everywhere I went while you snuggled in your sling, I am so lucky for every second I got to spend with you. Re-learning how to do things, so you could always be held, was easy… Figuring out how to do them again without you, seems like nothing short of impossible. You’re no longer staring lovingly up at me, from my lap, as I work and when I reach down to pet you, my hand doesn’t find your fluffy fur or the feel of your little kisses. I still wake up throughout the night to check on you, only to be reminded you’re not there. I continue to panic each time I think I forgot to give you your medicine because the alarm on my phone didn’t go off, and then I remember why.
There truly has been no peace since you left… just this empty space in my chest that aches more than I ever thought possible. You were far beyond my absolute favorite part of every day. We were destined to find each other Lukey - our time together was written in the cosmos and my love for you will forever transcend all space and time. The truth is that I needed you so much more than you ever needed me. Thank you for sharing your life and love with me, and for never leaving my side when I was sick – or any other time for that matter. I’m so grateful I was able to do the same for you. Mommy loves you my little snuggle bug.