Isis

2006 - 2023

My baby girl, my precious furbaby, my little one. you were the child i'll never have. you're the reason why i'm still here, still mourning you. i know i said goodbye to you just a few days ago but it feels so wrong still and always will. i know i'll grow around the hurt and i know that i'll see you again. you were there for me in all those bad times and for all the good ones too. you knew your name and you'd always come when i called you, except for this last year. you were slowing down, i could see that, and i know it was my fault i accidentally left you out in that rainstorm. but i'm also glad i did because that left me to find out about your renal disease. i wish i had spotted your tumor earlier, i do, and i don't know if i'll ever be able to forgive myself for not noticing it. i had thought it was just a cyst. but you were purring, all the way up until the very end. you were telling me it was okay; i hope that was what you were saying. you purred on that last day, the entire time i was holding you, and i think that was you telling me that it was okay. that it was alright for me to let you go and i know that it was for the best. i knew that it was better for you than letting you suffer. i couldn't have borne seeing you suffer. but you kept me alive. you let me hold your baby when you wouldn't let anyone else do so before she was old enough to open her eyes. and i told you that i'll take care of her until she joins you. i know i'll see you again. if i could have cured you with all of my love and my heart, i would have. i know that eventually, the tears will stop. and i know all the tears i've cried will light my way to see you again when that time comes. i miss you, baby girl. you always made me smile. i'll miss you always.